Misunderstood and not understanding.

People confuse me.

So many times in the past few weeks, people have said the strangest things to me, and it's not like I was expecting a certain statement...I just wasn't expecting THAT. I've tried to express things that I see so clearly, but the people I talk to just look at me like "I can see that you mean well, but I have no idea where you pulled that out of."

One time it was something innocuous - I answered a question in class in a way that I thought made perfect sense, and the teacher just squinted, smirked, and proceeded to say "You know, if I didn't think you were from (insert random Midwestern town), I'd think you were from New York." In the world of seminary, I'm sorry to say that is NOT a compliment. I'm still not sure what made him say that. I'm pretty sure he didn't mean it in an offensive way, but honestly I don't know what he meant in the first place.

Then there was the time a friend and I set up a meeting with a teacher to discuss something that we were sure he would have lots to say on. We sat down, presented our dilemma and waited for him to weigh in. But instead, we got an apologetic smile followed by "I'm sorry, but I'm not sure I see the problem..." A half hour later and he still didn't understand what we were trying to describe. I left the meeting let down and slightly embarrassed. Am I that much of an inarticulate, babbling mess that I can't even say what's on my mind without confusing people?

Then someone told me that I remind him of apple juice. That was the last straw. For crying out loud, WHAT am I supposed to do with that?! I can't even tell if I was insulted or complimented!

Either I'm not on the same wavelength as the rest of the world, or my mind is a scarier place than I thought it was.

Hear that? It's called silence.

When your entire life is in one building, things can get a bit crowded.

Thank G-d, I really am happy at my seminary. I just finished all of my finals. I've made those friends that I wonder how I lived without. I know my way around the neighborhood. Homesickness is a thing of the past. I'm starting to open up to my teachers and build lasting relationships with them.

But privacy is rare - virtually nonexistent, in fact. I share a room with two other girls (who I love) and an apartment with fourteen other girls (who I also love). Our building is not enormous. I am constantly surrounded by people, whether it be peers, teachers, or madrichot (basically R.A.s - "madricha" is the singular form). Sometimes it's hard to find a quiet place to talk on the phone - often I'll stow away in an empty classroom at night, but even then I can hear Zumba going on down the hall.

When a madricha asked me if I could babysit for someone tonight, I agreed because I had nothing better to do. But it turned out to be better than anything I could have come up with.

The baby is sleeping, so for all intents and purposes I'm by myself. And it is quiet. I didn't realize how much I missed solitude.

When you're in seminary you feel obligated to be a part of the parties, outings, and social scenes. Opting to spend time alone is prone to inducing major FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out).

But wow, is it underrated.

I've been sitting here peacefully in uninterrupted bliss, reading and basking in the beautiful abscence of sound. OK, I had a pear from the fridge, too. But hey, they said that I was welcome to help myself.

And the best part of this gig? I'm getting paid.

Too bad they'll be home in an hour. I guess I'll have to enjoy this while I can.